The Best Way to Change Your Destiny: Stay Away from Low-Level Circles

There is a story in the book “Mozi.”

One day, Mozi saw silk dyers dyeing silk, and the silk turned blue when it met blue dye, yellow when it met yellow dye.

He couldn’t help but sigh:

“Just as silk is dyed by different colors, people are also influenced by the various people around them.

If a person is in a circle of righteousness, they may become tolerant and kind; if they are in a circle of scheming, they may become sinister and cunning.”

Indeed, this is true.

A person naturally becomes like the people they associate with.

Therefore, the choice of circles is particularly important.

A high-quality circle will empower your life; while a low-quality circle will become an obstacle to your life.

Your social circle determines your cognition, influences your behavior, and even affects your future.

If you want to change your destiny and become stronger, you must stay away from these four types of low-level circles as soon as possible.

01 Stay Away from Scheming Acquaintance Circles

There’s a popular topic online: What should you do when you feel uncomfortable interacting with acquaintances?

A highly upvoted answer:

“The most important thing in dealing with acquaintances is sincerity. If you encounter someone who only takes without giving, cutting losses in time is the wise choice.”

I deeply agree.

Being with acquaintances who play mind games and love to scheme often consumes energy and spirit, and the results are not worth the effort.

When a person’s efforts don’t get rewarded, decisively staying away is the greatest protection for oneself.

Writer Jia Pingwa once had several close friends who often ate together, chatted, and shared daily life.

But after he became famous as a writer, these friends began to scheme against him secretly.

They used Jia Pingwa’s reputation to make pirated books and sell fake calligraphy and paintings for profit.

Some of them often used Jia Pingwa’s fame to host dinners at home, building connections for themselves.

Later, when they learned that Jia Pingwa had hepatitis, they not only distanced themselves from him but also spread rumors and slandered him behind his back.

After one gathering, before Jia Pingwa had even left, they threw all the utensils he had used into the trash.

Only then did Jia Pingwa see the true nature of these people and decisively cut ties with them.

An ancient saying goes: “Mountain stream water rises and falls easily, and the hearts of petty people change easily.”

People are good at disguising themselves, especially those who love to scheme. They appear friendly and humble on the surface but are profit-driven behind the scenes.

They have shallow vision and small patterns, always wanting to gain benefits from acquaintances. Dealing with such people inevitably leads to being hurt by hidden arrows.

In fact, the essence of friendship is value exchange and mutual warmth.

If one constantly uses mutual affection to seek personal gain, even the best relationship cannot last long.

Making friends values sincerity, and relationships value genuineness.

A good relationship must be mutually beneficial and achieve win-win results, not be scheming and self-serving at others’ expense.

After middle age, staying away from scheming acquaintance circles is a kind of social awareness and wisdom in dealing with the world.

02 Stay Away from Competitive Friend Circles

In psychology, there’s the famous Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory:

It says that some people habitually satisfy their inner needs by comparing themselves with others to gain a sense of achievement.

However, the more a person likes to compare, the more restless their heart becomes, and the easier it is to lose themselves.

Senior emotional writer @Yao Lingdang once shared her relationship with a friend.

They had been friends for ten years, but those ten years were also her most painful ten years.

Her friend was keen on competing with and putting her down, so she always tried to outdo her friend.

When her friend kept talking about how much money she made and how many bags she bought, she would work overtime to earn more money and buy more expensive bags.

When her friend belittled her appearance, saying she had a big face and looked old, she would fight back with even more vicious words.

Gradually, her behavior became abnormally high-profile, knowing her friend would always see it.

But at the same time, her heart began to become twisted and conflicted.

Whenever she was inferior to her friend in some aspect, she would start to suffer, become anxious, and fall into deep self-denial.

It wasn’t until she completely broke up with her friend that she escaped from this vicious cycle of comparison.

Looking around, everyone seems unable to escape the “whirlpool of comparison”:

Comparing jobs, abilities, money, parents, children… until becoming slaves to desire.

In fact, living in blind comparison only leads to increasingly losing oneself.

Life is tiring, half due to survival and half due to comparison.

If a person is in a competitive friend circle for a long time, they will unconsciously be assimilated, lose self-awareness and judgment, and become vain and greedy.

Life is short, why fall into the whirlpool of desire by comparing those illusory added values, making oneself physically and mentally exhausted?

In being human, reduce desires, pursue real happiness, stay away from competitive friend circles, and then you can live a joyful and peaceful life.

03 Stay Away from Boundary-Crossing Relative Circles

As the saying goes: “Relatives from afar bring fragrance, neighbors build high walls.”

People are emotional beings and are easily influenced by relative relationships.

But if you’re constantly being exploited by boundary-crossing relatives, you’re the only one who gets hurt in the end.

In middle age, seeing through human warmth and coldness, drawing clear boundaries with boundary-crossing relatives can avoid future troubles.

Writer Mo Yan, in “Late Bloomers,” told the story of being constantly exploited by his relative Jiang Er.

Jiang Er originally had little contact with Mo Yan, but after learning that Mo Yan won the Nobel Prize in Literature, he began to use Mo Yan’s fame for personal gain.

He first set up a stall near Mo Yan’s former residence to sell local specialties; then he set up booths there and collected rent.

Although Mo Yan didn’t approve of Jiang Er’s practices, considering their relative relationship, he didn’t care too much.

Who knew that Jiang Er would become even more aggressive afterward.

Without Mo Yan’s knowledge, he forced him to give an opening speech for his arena competition.

When Mo Yan criticized him for not respecting him, he used their relative relationship for moral blackmail, accusing Mo Yan of being ungrateful.

Seeing that Jiang Er had no intention of repenting, Mo Yan decided to stay away from him.

Liu Zhenyun once said: “Don’t take relatives too seriously. Relative relationships are ‘all relatives when you’re strong, no relatives when you’re not strong.’”

Although this statement is harsh, it reveals the essence of relative interactions: mutual benefit with give and take.

Boundary-crossing relatives usually only use the guise of family affection to constantly cling and demand, taking all advantages and then turning against you.

Dealing with them for a long time will get you morally blackmailed, losing both money and feelings, and even losing principles.

So, rather than being bullied across boundaries, it’s better to keep distance.

After all, no matter how deep the affection, there must be bottom lines; no matter how close the person, there must be boundaries.

In life, you can consider relationships, but you must stay away from boundary-crossing relative circles and grasp the proper measure in dealing with relatives. This is the wise move to protect yourself.

04 Stay Away from Shallow Praise Circles

Do you have such a group of people around you?

Regardless of whether what the leader does is right or wrong, they habitually echo and flatter;

No matter how big or small the achievements of colleagues are, they always give verbal praise and deliberately cater.

In their cognition, they think that as long as they give verbal praise without taking action, they can get closer to others.

Dealing with such shallow praise relationships for a long time will make people self-inflated and lose direction.

Netizen Xiao Hui has deep feelings about this.

Since starting work, Xiao Hui has been diligent and achieved high-standard performance multiple times.

Her efforts were rewarded, and her leader promoted her to project manager.

After that, she had many colleagues around her who praised her, saying she was capable and exchanging insights with her.

Xiao Hui was immersed in the praise, mistakenly thinking she was strong enough, and began to become proud and complacent.

However, not long after, she caused project quality damage due to neglecting details and was criticized by her leader.

At this time, those colleagues who had praised her before lost their previous enthusiasm and closeness toward her.

Only then did Xiao Hui understand:

Others’ compliments are not actually recognition, but rather deliberate flattery.

So she no longer easily believed these people’s words and focused her attention on work.

I’ve heard a saying: “Shallow flattery is just a bond, while sincere friendship is a gift.”

Shallow praise satisfies people’s vanity, but long-term interaction will make people fall into blind praise-killing.

Truly pragmatic people usually care about actions rather than keeping recognition at the verbal level.

In being human, never be deceived by people who talk big, and don’t be misled by those who flatter.

Know that pleasing words sound sweet but are sugar-coated poison.

Life is still long. Stay away from shallow praise circles, interact more with sincere and pragmatic people, and life will be even better and brighter everywhere.

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Liu Yong once said: “In this life, what limits your development is often not your IQ and education, but the social circle you’re in.”

Indeed, the essence of human interaction is actually mutual achievement and progress together.

Therefore, for relationships that consume yourself and devour each other, rather than spending time managing them, it’s better to cut them off in time.

Only by saying goodbye to low-level circles can a person have the strength to socialize upward and enter higher circles.